Chaos erupted at the White House late last evening when Trump went to log into Twitter only to find that his account had been deleted.
White House staffers describe a situation that nearly ended in tragedy.
"He just started yelling this is war and that he was going to make those egghead IT bastards pay. It took three of us to pull him away from the nuclear launch buttons. We tried to reason with him, that blowing up San Francisco wouldn't play well in the polls. He just kept screaming at us calling us pussies. It only got worse from there."
"When he was finally over the initial shock, it was up to Mike Pence to console him. He was sitting next to him on the floor, rubbing Trump's back. Trump was sobbing uncontrollably. Mike asked him if Trump wanted to pray. Trump told him to shove his prayers up his ass."
"When it was finally restored after 11 minutes, Trump just kept stammering, saying, 'Oh, thank God. Thank you God.' The person who did this is just cruel. Everyone knows how much Twitter mean to the President."
"Trump is a great man.
He was looking up how to spell the word "retaliation" when he noticed Twitter wasn't working.
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