Police say that Denton had stopped at the Quik N’ Go gas station
at the 2300 block of North Grand Avenue when he saw the vehicle refueling at a
nearby pump. According to the report, Denton had gotten off work early and was
already intoxicated by midafternoon. He
had run out of supplies and had stopped to pick up Cheese Puffs and 24 cans of Natural
Light.
Denton allegedly entered the running vehicle and sped off while
honking and yelling at pedestrians, “I’m the new king of rubber dicks and anal
beads.”
The incident escalated as police tried to force the truck off
the road. Clearly agitated and ready to party, Denton began
hurling sex toys from the windows and screaming obscenities. At one point during the chase, Denton was on the roof of the truck, twirling a French Tickler above his head as the truck steered itself into oncoming traffic. Six St. Louis County officers and three
bystanders were stuck with vibrators and rushed to the hospital. All are expected to make a full
recovery. Police Commissioner David Schaumburg credits the officers for not
allowing the incident to escalate.
“We had several cases of mushroom bruises and a few hurt
egos but nothing to serious,” said Schaumburg. “Even so, I don’t want to release the names
of the victims until we’ve had a chance to contact their families. With the number of rubber dicks being
errantly hurled on a public roadway we were just concerned about public safety. We feel we mobilized quickly and managed to
avoid a tragic incident. I hope this
will help raise public awareness that we need to get these sex toys off the
streets before something serious happens.”
The incident ended around 3pm after Denton stopped for more
beer. When officers tried to take him in
to custody, Denton allegedly attacked them with a 13" prosthetic penis named the Kong.
One officer says that he had to use considerable force to stop Denton.
“The suspected
stabbed me in the eye with a sizable fake penis. We don’t receive any training for
hand-to-rubber-dick-combat so I just used my Taser gun on the dumb son of a
bitch. He just kept screaming, ‘let me
go! I have a wife with many needs.’ God,
I hate drunk people."
Denton woke several hours later in custody. He says he doesn’t recall the incident but it doesn't seem out of character for him.
“Its tax season so I’m a little stressed out,” said Denton. “I wouldn't put this past me. I’ve been known to blow off some steam every
now and again.”
The truck, now in police custody, was headed to an adult
convention in Las Vegas, Nevada.
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