President Obama appears ready to make a second push in support of a
bill that would tighten gun regulations and put restrictions on magazine
capacity. The bill seemed dead after the being defeated during his initial campaign.
Despite the president’s efforts, the measure was struck down by both houses
of congress and did not appear to gain momentum with voters from either side of
the political spectrum.
"I'm going to shove those guns up their asses. If they want
violence, let’s give it to them," said Obama of gun supporters. "They
think I'm going to take their guns and put the country in Marshall Law. Do you
really think you could stop me if that's really what I wanted to do? I’ve got
the world’s greatest military power ready to drone strike everything that moves,
talks, winks or sneezes. What good is
your stupid little duck hunting gun going to do against that? But hey, I’d never do that. I’m a nice guy. Just put those guns down and I'll kick all of
your asses myself."
Career criminal Spandex Johnson says that he thinks the president
needs to think about his message before he alienates his core supporters.
"I think his message is clear and I feel this is a step in
the wrong direction for this country. I'm an American and it’s my
constitutional right to bear arms. That doesn't change just because I'm a
convicted felon. As part of my lifestyle I have broken many laws, but when it
comes to gun ownership I have done nothing wrong. The guns I've used for my crimes
have all been properly licensed and legally obtained. What he is proposing is a
complete infringement on my God given rights."
NRA spokesman Reggie Clifton says that the president's gun laws
will only make it harder for honest Americans to defend their families.
"Taking away semi-automatic weapons is going to make it more
difficult to shoot a criminal when I see one.
Shooting someone is easier than calling the police. We shouldn't have to
bother those busy patrolmen with all of our problems. It is my duty as a
law abiding citizen to act as judge, jury and executioner. Those are the principals that this great
country was founded on. Due process was
just something our forefathers threw into the Constitution to appease liberal
swine.
"What if my gun breaks? I have to wait 8 days to get a new
one? 8 days is a long time to go without opening fire on someone."
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